Sunday, July 19, 2009

Updates on lil J.....

So life is getting better & better with little J. He cries less & less all the time it seems. He sleeps through the night a lot of nights, but still wakes once occasionally. He is learning how to use his hands more, he is grabbing anything in his reach & is excited to be able to grab now. He also keeps trying to get up when he's sitting somewhere. He holds his head up pretty well, but his chest area is still a struggle for him.

After several weeks of wanting to take him swimming & never getting to it, we finally made it there yesterday! It was a lot of fun. He did really well. If we put him on his back he would float, but he would also get scared. So the whole time daddy held him in an upright position & we never let his head go under, I'm sure that would've scared him. After spending over an hour in the wading pool with him we headed to the jacuzzi. We met a really nice Christian couple there (& got their phone #) & hung out there until little one got hungry & fussy. Then we headed back to our patio table & fed him & ate fruit we brought & sat & enjoyed the breeze. The couple we met in the jacuzzi kept commenting on how great I look for having a 3 month old, they both kept "prying" (their word, not mine) on what I do. It was nice cuz I do still feel unhappy with my body--still have 12 more pounds to drop.

On another note overall I've been feeling pretty stressed out & disappointed in myself. Life is hectic with a baby & I am a perfectionist so I get a bit frustrated at times. But what really did me in was my church. About 3 weeks ago we met with a counsellor to schedule a time to get little one dedicated at church. We had to go through a really extensive interview for this & were basically told that we weren't strong enough Christians at this point. We were completely honest, telling him that we read our Bibles several times each week, but not always daily, even though we try to. We were told we needed to start 3 things: DAILY PERSONAL Bible reading, DAILY COUPLE Bible reading, & to get in a Bible study at church. We have really, really tried, but are failing it seems. We are in a Bible study now, we both "usually" manage our personal daily Bible reading most days of the week, but cannot seem to workout the COUPLE Bible reading. For those who know me, you know my hubby works A LOT of hours, some days by the time he gets home from work I'm too sleepy to understand what we're reading. It's just not working. And all of this has been a HUGE effort with a 3 month old in the house I must say. I do understand that their intentions were good, but I still feel it's a bit unrealistic & I really can't believe that everyone else who is up there dedicating their babies is doing all of this. We are supposed to report back next Saturday & I told hubby I'm not going--I cannot sit there & have the counsellor tell me what a failure I am. I have been skipping meals & sleep to accomplish what they want. My other issue is that I don't feel my heart is always in the right place with this situation--I'm reading as a chore now, surely the Lord wouldn't be pleased with this. We haven't given up on the challenge, we are still working on it & will continue to do so, though we have given up on the dream of having him dedicated at church, but I am very sad with the situation. Every week when I see couples up there dedicating their babies it literally brings me to tears.

I do have to say that I feel we are strong Christians--we do study our Bibles on a regular (though not always daily) basis, probably averaging 4-5 days each week, we continue to tithe our 10% (and sometimes more) despite what our finances are like, & we continue to pray & seek God always. I'm just feeling very sad & hurt over this situation. Hubby doesn't like seeing me so stressed out & skipping meals & not sleeping, so he agreed that we not go back next Saturday & that we can just do a dedication to God on our own.

Alright, little one is hungry, so I must sign off for now..........

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