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FOR TODAY:  Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Outside my window...  the temperature is very comfortable today, but I do wish we could have a breeze

I am thinking...  about life & how short it can be sometimes, how unfair it can "appear" at times, although I know in my heart that in God's eyes it's not unfair, but actually the best for us, even if we can't see that

I am thankful...  for life, for my family, for my God

In the kitchen...  cooked black beans last night, nothing going on today until dinner time--chicken, salad, & black beans most likely for dinner tonight

I am wearing...  a flowy white see-through top with a long white tube top underneath & denim shorts

I am creating...  I'm always stumped on this one.........

I am going...  to start teaching preschool material to Lil J starting this fall

I am wondering...  how long it's going to take me to get my garden weeded......uuugggghhhh

I am reading...  I read in one sitting "when a mother follows Christ", it's a free kindle book I got & it was a good read

I am hoping...  to be able to attend my friend's funeral, we've been friends for at least 20 years, he passed away last night

I am looking forward to...  next week, as my hubby is taking the week off from work

I am learning....  about the invention related process

Around the house...  yesterday I cleaned the bathrooms, dusted the whole house, swept & vaccuumed the floors, & did the weekly tons of laundry; plus I spent some time on swagbucks building up my points as I'm hoping to get a dehydrator.

I am pondering...  what God has in store for us & why life always has to be so hard

A favorite quote for today...  Do unto others as you would have them unto you

One of my favorite things...  stealing Lil J's "buddy" (teddy bear) & running through the house yelling "I got your Buddy!" & he's on my heels screaming his head off :D

A few plans for the rest of the week:  grocery shopping on Thursday, park day (or pool maybe) on Friday.....

I am praying for:   Mark's wife Tammy, my stepson, my hubby, & lots of little ones



Simple Woman's Daybook

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FOR TODAY:  Friday, July 13, 2012

Outside my window...  It's humid, hot, & muggy.  Supposed to start cooling off on Monday, I can't wait

I am thinking...  about life & how we grow & mature & make mistakes.....it's so hard as an outsider to differentiate from that normal process & what's dangerously wrong at times

I am thankful...  for having been married 7 years now  :)

In the kitchen...  I thoroughly cleaned my kitchen this morning.  I try to do that once a week, but don't always get to it I have to admit

I am wearing...  a black & white halter top with a black tube top underneath, denim shorts

I am creating...  hmmmm, here I am stuck again on this one.....I'm working on my son's memory book, that's creative for me!  There I did it!

I am going...  this is normally the day of the week that I take Lil J to the park or the pool, but it's too hot for the park & I just don't feel like going to the pool today.....hopefully later on when it cools down I can take him for a walk or something.....I did just take him yesterday to see the train (we have a train track running by us, just outside my community, it's walking distance for us)

I am wondering...  if I have what it takes to raise my son according to God's will......I sure am trying my best, but don't most parents & yet it doesn't always show in the child once they are grown.....

I am reading...  I finally finished the 4-A epidemic book by Dr. Kenneth Bock--I highly recommend it; I have a few books lined up that I want to read, some on my kindle app & some actual books, but haven't actually started as of yet

I am hoping...  to get outside & weed my garden soon.  I am soooo bad about that.  I had planned to do it this week, but then the heatwave hit & I was busier than usual with our anniversary falling this week.

I am looking forward to...  hubby taking some time off work coming up soon

I am learning......  how hard my body is capable of working out, been pushing hard for 2 months now, plan to keep it up for another month or two & then will drop it down a bit

Around the house...  did a lot of cleaning this week, but there's always still more that needs to be done, hopefully I can get to it soon; my goal is always to get to it before my hubby does, he works hard enough outside of the home that he shouldn't be cleaning at home IMO

I am pondering...  the dangers of life as a young adult, scary stuff sometimes

A favorite quote for today...  If He is not Lord of all then He is not Lord at all

One of my favorite things...  playing with my son, with no scheduled agenda, just free time to play whatever he desires

A few plans for the rest of the week:  going to an inventors' fair tomorrow, church on Sunday

I am praying for:  my stepson, my hubby, my health, for Ryan & Brandon & Carson & Deborah & Madison & lots of little ones

Independance Day

It's been quite a while since we've really done anything for the 4th of July.  The holiday is special to us, in the sense of the meaning behind it.  But life is busy & my hubby doesn't get the day off, it's typically a big sale event in his line of work, so it's easy to put the celebrations on hold. 

I should add that it can easily not seem so important to see fireworks when you don't have children.  Most of the time my stepson was with his mother for the holiday & my stepdaughter was already an adult, off celebrating it on her own.

I can remember going to a park to see fireworks with my stepdaughter once.  My guess would be that it was in 2006.  So for 2007 & 2008 we didn't go anywhere to celebrate. 

In 2009, 2010, & 2011 it was too difficult with Lil J.  He was typically already asleep by the time it's dark out.  Plus the loud noise of the fireworks would certainly have startled him.

But this year he's 3.  And he's able to stay up late on occasion.  And he now actually knows what fireworks are.  Well, he's seen them on TV & he is able to recognize them on TV & tell me what they are. 

So this year I really wanted him to see fireworks in person.  I didn't want to go to a big fair or anything like that.  Just some simple fireworks.  I told hubby I didn't even care if we just watched from the car. 

But we ended up going back to the same park we went to in 2006.  By the time hubby got off work it was tough to get parking.  We actually ended up moving someone's trash cans (we did move them back when we left) & parked there & still had quite a hike to the park.  The event just had a few tents up, selling kettle corn, funnel cakes, a couple of businesses promoting themselves, & a smoothie stand.  We brought our beach chairs & Lil J's umbrella stroller & we took our dinner to go with us (I made hot dogs).   There was  a live band playing & lots of kids playing with balls & running around.  It was very nice.  At 8:45 the tents/booths shut down & at 9:00 they began a 20 minute procession of fireworks while the live band played patriotic music (a live rendition of the star spangled banner & then well known recordings of other patriotic songs). 

Hubby video'd the fireworks, but my phone is broken right now so I didn't get to take any still photos.  By the time 9:00 rolled around Lil J was quite sleepy.  When they first started he was trying to sleep through it on hubby's shoulder.  But the loud noise of it all forced him to wake up & look.  Then he started getting into it & even counting all the loud booms from the fireworks.  And then before it was over he was just too sleepy & went back to sleep on hubby's shoulder. 

So all in all we had a great 4th of July together.  My stepson is now an adult & even though he lives with us full time he was off with his friends just as my stepdaughter has been all these years.

The latest on Lil J's fungal issues

So Lil J is a very picky eater, as I'm sure I've mentioned a time or two before.  And so last February when I put him on an anti-fungal diet it was tough.  His already limited list of foods that he's willing to eat got limited much further.  He then had only a small handful of items he was willing to eat.

Thank God we now are seeing good progress.  He's been on that diet for 5 months now.  And the probiotics were really the big helper most recently as I shared recently in a blog post.

I must say that I have probably done more research on this particular topic than any other topic ever.  I have lived with this issue myself.  So I have learned much first hand.  This fact has been very helpful in helping Lil J.  I often think of how daunting this journey would be if I hadn't lived it myself.  Although it's doubtful we'd be in this position had it not been for me & my issues due to excessive antibiotic use.

When I put myself on an anti-fungal diet I stayed on it about 6 months & then started reintroducing some of the restricted foods & monitored to see what I could & couldn't eat at that point. 

At this point Lil J is now totally sick of the foods he's been living on for the past 5 months.  What's been hardest is finding food that he can eat on the go.  He normally snacks on either almonds or cashews on the go, but he's really sick of both of them at this point.  Hubby decided it's probably time to branch out & see what else he can & can't tolerate.  So we went shopping last weekend.  We agreed on no peanuts, pistachios, & corn for sure (we always try to avoid these, but I can't say that we NEVER eat them). 

So on Monday morning he ate granola bars for breakfast.  He was totally out of control on Monday.  Totally misbehaving, not listening, & being willfully disobedient.  It was a nightmare of a day.  I was starting to think that we'd need to stop introducing new foods & go back to the way it's been the past 5 months.  I have to admit I was a little upset with hubby for suggesting such a thing by the end of that day.

On Tuesday morning he had pita chips for breakfast.  They are made out of wheat.  We had a good day I have to say.  I had my son back to normal it seemed.

On Wednesday morning he had Joe's Os (it's Trader Joe's healthier version of Cheerios).  Within a couple of hours of him eating breakfast the wild child of Monday had returned.  It was shocking to me how drastically different he is when he eats oats.  I did my best to just get through the day & I told hubby we absolutely positively cannot feed him oats. 

When I try to look into behavioral issues related to oats all I come up with is gluten issues.  But since he's totally fine with wheat it's certainly not a gluten issue.  It's a very strange issue.  But I doubt that he is the only kid that has a reaction like that. 

It makes me question the kids that are diagnosed as hyperactive.  I mean, when J eats oats he's totally spastic & has zero attention span.  He cannot listen, he's practically bouncing off the walls.  It's absolute insanity.  Now I'm not saying that all kids diagnosed as hyperactive should be taken off of oats.  But what I am wondering is if they have some sort of issue with a particular food or ingredient.  And if that possibility was investigated further could the problem be solved without medications? 

I am still curious as to what it is exactly about oats that causes this behavior in him.  And I am wondering if it will be for the rest of his life or if it will change at some point.  I guess only time will tell.  Cereals are a good choice for snacks on the go.  But it's challenging to find oat & corn free varieties.  But there are some, we have a few now to choose from, made from both wheat & rice. 

And so we will move forward & monitor how he does.  Most importantly how his visible fungal areas do, but also how his behavior does.  Yes he's three & he throws tantrums & doesn't always understand appropriate behavior, I'm still working on teaching him that.  BUT I know my son well & there is an obvious difference with oats & I am keeping a close eye on his toes & groin areas that previously showed fungal issues visibly.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

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FOR TODAY: Monday, July 2, 2012

Outside my window... it's been warm, but breezy; not warm enough to need the a/c on though, just have the doors & windows open, I LOVE the fresh air

I am thinking... about life, & the future, & praying for God's direction to be able to navigate my way through as best possible

I am thankful... for so much: my husband, my toddler, that I know the Lord, that my health isn't any worse than it already is

In the kitchen... hubby requested turkey burgers for dinner tonight & I'm making french bakes to go with them; I don't like burgers at all (I totally dislike ground meat) so I'm having a bowl of raisin bran with almond milk, LOL

I am wearing... a cami with a tube top underneath & denim shorts

I am creating... this blog at the moment....not much else.....I always come up short on this one.....
I am going... grocery shopping on Thursday & to the pool or a park on Friday; hoping to find some sort of firework display to take Lil J to on Wednesday evening-he now knows what fireworks are & I think he'll really enjoy it (we have never taken him before, just felt he was too young to appreciate it)

I am wondering... why people feel the need to be fake....it's so unneccesary & so hurtful

I am reading... just finished a free kindle book about menstrual cups & a book about detoxing

I am hoping... my stepson gets a job soon, he wants so much money lately & doesn't seem to understand that our income doesn't increase just because he has graduated.....where does he expect all this money to come from??

I am looking forward to... the weekend, not sure what we're doing, but I'm always happy to spend time with my hubby no matter what we are doing

I am learning..... about skin brushing & am becoming a pro with my diva cup

Around the house... my usual busy Monday of doing laundry, dusting, cleaning floors, & cleaning bathrooms

I am pondering... life in general....the sudden & unexpected loss of my BIL recently has really taken a toll on both me & hubby

A favorite quote for today... "True nobility isn't about being better than anyone else; it's about being better than you used to be"

One of my favorite things... working out

A few plans for the rest of the week: hopefully fireworks, grocery shopping, park or pool

I am praying: that I leave the legacy of being a good & godly mother, for my hubby, his job, our marriage, our health, my stepkids, my inlaws, our country, Israel, & lots of friends & lots of little ones

Finally making progress with Lil J's fungal issues

As you may or may not recall, Lil J has a systemic/gut fungal issue that I've been fighting with since he was only a baby.  I've explained how it came about in past blogs, so I won't bother with that here once again. 

BUT I have exciting news.  I am finally making progress in getting rid of this.  I had changed his diet drastically back in February but all these months I still wasn't seeing much change. 

I kept trying to find a way to get antifungals in him, natural ones.  But they all have a very bad taste to them, so it was absolutely impossible. 

I have always given him kids' probiotics.  Since healthy digestive bacteria (what's in probiotics) is what naturally prevents fungus from overgrowing he definitely needed that.  But it seemed that it wasn't enough, that's why I was really trying to find a way to get antifungals down him.  Things like olive leaf, capryllic acid, grapefruit seed extract.  There are others, but those are the ones I had on hand & were trying.  But I am quite sure the others didn't taste good either.

I had discussed with hubby taking him to the doctor, our new doctor, & asking for a prescription for oral nystatin.  Nystatin & Diflucan are the two main prescription antifungals.  Nystatin has been around for a long time, it also comes in a powder for topical application.  It has almost no risk to using it.  Diflucan is a newer drug & is often the first choice it seems, although it has more side effects & risks to it.  After consideration, hubby agreed that should take him to the doctor & ask for nystatin.  But then it occurred to me that nystatin (it's a liquid) might taste bad too & we'd still be in the same situation.  We were still praying for wisdom about the whole situation.

And then one day as I was putting his kids' probiotic powder in his almond milk I grabbed one of my probiotic capsules & opened it & dumped it in his almond milk as well.  The next day his toes looked so much better.  I could't believe it!  And so since that day I've been putting 2 capsules of my probiotic into his almond milk 3 times per day.  And he is continuing to get better. 

I know that fungal issues take a very long to clear up completely, so I am not planning to stop giving him the probiotics for a very long time.  And I really need to focus on making sure he gets as balanced of a diet as possible, not all sugar & carbs, which will feed the fungus.  And he may, even after this is all cleared up, always have a weakness/tendency for fungal overgrowth.  We will have to see.

But I am soooooo thrilled to be able to say that I finally, for the first time ever, am seeing improvement.

Fitness Update

So I've been doing the 5 days a week of workouts for a little over a month now.  Mostly the "barre" workouts, with a Cindy Crawford mixed in about once a week, sometimes every other week.

Prior to doing the DVD workout I do ab work on my decline bench.  I started out at 10 reps.  Once that became too easy I moved it up to 20 reps.  Once that became too easy I increased it to 30 reps, which is what I am currently at.  I am planning that once I get to 50 reps & it becomes too easy that I will then start adding on weights. 

I have definitely gained muscle mass over the past month, but I have now added on 15 minutes of cardio after my strength training workouts.  I do intervals, which burns more calories in a short amount of time.  The idea is to burn off some body fat.

So first I do my decline bench, then I do the strength training workout of the day, & then I do 15 minutes of cardio.  And then I hit the shower.  :)

I am tentatively planning that once I am pleased with my fitness level I will drop down to 3 days per week for maintaining.  That is, of course, until I find myself bored & needing a big fitness routine overhaul.  But I don't think it'll be coming for a while, since most of these workouts are very new to me.  And Suzanne Bowen, who is my favorite instructor for barre workouts, is filming DVDs in August, so I am eagerly anticipating their release & that will give me even more variety. 

Suzanne Bowen is my favorite because of the way she explains & teaches.  I somehow just really get what she's saying & I find that I can engage my muscles even more with her workouts.  Leah Sarago is my second favorite.  And I recently learned that Leah has lots of mini workouts on her website, some for free & some cost money.  You can also pay $14.99 per month to have access to new workouts online all the time.  That sure sounds like a great idea, once I don't feel challenged by the workouts I have currently I mean, but the price seems a bit much to me.  Hopefully when I get to the point where I feel I want/need to subscribe to that that the price will be less or our finances will be that where it will allow for it.  But I still have a ways to go before these workouts I have are no longer challenging & Suzanne has new DVDs coming as well. 

And I figure if I've gotten 20+ years of workouts out of my Cindy Crawford workouts then these should take me to at least age 60, LOL. 

My DVD routine is basically:
Monday-Ruah Warrior
Tuesday-Ballet Body Core
Wednesday-Cindy Crawford or Ballet Body Upper Body
Thursday-Ballet Body Lower Body
Friday-Ruah Release

Skin Brushing

I first heard of skin brushing about 10-12 years ago.  I was very intrigued, but for some reason or other never got a brush & started doing it.  Supposedly it is good for your health, immune system, circulation, it helps to exfoliate, & it's supposed to detox your body as well. 

As I got into my early 30s I found I had a tiny amount of cellulite on the upper back of my thighs.  I heard that massaging the area can help.  So I bought myself a cellulite massager at Sephora & followed the directions.  (This is the massager I had purchased, but it was about $10 back then)  I was very diligent about doing it, but after a while I saw no change & sort of gave up.  Off & on over the years since I have made a decision to try again & the same routine ensues each time.  And as time has passed I do have a bit more cellulite there. [I should add that I know they sell specific creams to apply when massaging & I have refused to use those due to some of their ingredients.  I mostly use coconut oil & sometimes use my aloe lotion.]

In mid-June I started working out 5 days a week, doing super tough workouts, & along with that I started up massaging the cellulite area daily.  This time I was determined to keep it up for a good long amount of time, hoping for some good results.  This time around the massager fell apart.  I guess it was just too old at this point.

So I knew I needed a new massager.  I went on amazon & found the one I have (the link I listed earlier), but then I started thinking that maybe my lack of results is due to the massager itself.  So I decided to buy a different one.  There were several that I was interested in.  And then I saw this one:

And I realized I could use one side of it for massaging & the other side of it for skin brushing!!  Ding ding ding!!  And so I racked up some points on swagbucks & got this one for myself.  I thrive on routines & the massaging is a routine I do in the morning, at the end of my shower.  So I decided to make the skin brushing a before-I-go-to-bed routine. 

I did it 2 nights in a row & then BAM, my bladder & bowel were in terrible shape.  The last time this happened was right before Christmas, due to a detox I was doing using chlorella, & it took me MONTHS to get out of the flare for my bladder.  I stopped the skin brushing & started pounding down TONS of water, all day long.  So much that I almost felt like I was going to throw up, but thankfully I never did.  And after two days of that I am pain free, thank God. 

Now I know they say it stimulates the lymph system, which helps the immune system & detoxes the body, but I honestly wasn't expecting that big of a reaction, detox wise I mean.  I will start it up again, but maybe not do it EVERY DAY, at least for a little while.

It does concern me that my body seems to be so toxic.  And it concerns me that much of that toxicity can be passed to my child while in utero.  I did grow up in an old house.  I am sure it does have galvanized plumbing, with lead in the pipes.  And I'm sure there was lead in the paint in that house.  And of course there's all the tons of mercury in my mouth due to a very dishonest dentist we had when I was a very young child.  And I'm sure there's plenty more toxins that I'm not even aware of. 

Since the age of 15 I have struggled with chronic low iron levels.  I recently learned that high levels of lead in the body don't allow your body to hold onto the iron it needs & will result in chronic low iron levels.  The more I learn the more I understand. 

And so, I am VERY impressed with the skin brushing.  If you are interested in it there's tons of info on it online.  There are also demo videos on youtube.  There are a few schools of thought on how to do it, so do some research & pick what you feel comfortable with.  They recommend using a natural bristle brush, not a synthetic. 

And so far I do like this massager better than the one I had previously.  Hopefully I will see a difference at some point in the future.

Sunday School

So yesterday Lil J began Sunday School at church.  I was both excited & nervous at the same time.  The last time he transitioned it didn't go over as well as I had expected.  But this time went really great, at least the first day did.

First allow me to go back to the beginning of his time in church.  At the last church we were attending he started in the nursery when he was 6 days old.  The system at that church was simple.  There were two nurseries: one for non-walkers & one for walkers.  So you started in the non-walker nursery & as soon as the child began to walk they graduated to the next nursery.  They stayed in the next nursery until either age 2 or 3, I can't remember now.  And at that point they moved to Sunday school.  We left that church when Lil J was 11 months, just a week or two before he began walking, so we never left that first non-walking nursery.  I remember being surprised at how much they adored Lil J there.  The gals working in there would almost fight over who got to hold him.  And when we picked him up they would sometimes tell us sadly that they didn't get to hold him at all, some new person in the nursery grabbed him & held onto him the whole time.  I often watched how the workers interacted with other parents, to see if they told EVERYONE how much they adored their child, but they didn't.  I haven't been to a lot of churches so I don't know how the system usually goes, but at this church they required a bottle (or sippy) & a diaper.  And they were always really good about getting the diaper changed prior to any leaks.  I think the only day with them that he didn't get changed was the day we did his dedication. We took him there late because of the dedication & I guess it threw off their schedule.  And he wasn't changed & was totally soaked through when we picked him up. 

So when Lil J was 11 months old we visited a couple of other churches, looking for a new church home. 

At one they had the nurseries labled waddlers & walkers, or something cute like that.  He was only there once, but the system didn't seem as efficient to me as at our previous church.  They asked for the diaper bag but he was never changed nor was he given a bottle while being there.  I don't know if they just had an off day or what, especially since we were only there once.  I remember feeling a bit uneasy because at this church they don't do background checks & fingerprinting on nursery working, which they did at our previous church.

We visited one other church, but I don't remember putting him in the nursery there at all.  I do remember stopping & talking with the nursery workers & being pleased that they did background checks & fingerprinting on all nursery workers.  I'm thinking he must've stayed with my stepdaughter that day.  We probably left him because we were unsure of whether or not they did the background checks & fingerprinting, but I really can't remember for sure.

And then we visited the church that we chose to stay at & are still currently at.  They have a reputation for having a tremendous children's ministry.  And we love the pastor (always talking about current events, politics, govt, voting, etc along with preaching book by book through the Bible).  And we were thrilled to find that they also did background checks & fingerprinting on all nursery workers.  We couldn't even enter the nursery area to view it without going through some sort of screening process.  We felt very good about that.  So he was 11 months at this time & he entered the very first nursery level, which they called the Lambs.  I have to admit that I felt like the system of what room/level they were placed in was quite confusing.  It went by a range of birthdays, rather than set ages.  And so sometimes people who were new to the church would stop us & ask what nursery they should put their children in & we would have to shrug & say it was a weird system that goes by birthdays & if their kid didn't have a birthday close to Lil J then we just plain didn't know & couldn't help them.  I was very surprised to find that the people working in this nursery adored Lil J just like our last church had.  And just like our last church I often watched the workers interaction with others to see if they just acted like that about ALL the kids, but they didn't. 

So about a year later he graduated up to the cubs along with a big group of kids in that birthday range.  At that time the group he was in ended with April 2009.  So that meant that he was among the youngest of the group of kids.  Somewhere while he was in this group they revised the whole system of the nursery.  They said they had a lot of kids & needed to make it work better by making some changes.  During this process they changed the birthday ranges & he is now at the beginning, it goes from April 2009 to July 2009.  So he is now among the oldest of his group.  And they dropped the cute names: Lambs, Cubs, etc.  They simply told you what room number your child was assigned to.  On the first day of taking him to this new room I was pretty excited when I saw it.  They did have toys & a slide, but they also had a few desks & I could see that they did coloring.  I was excited for Lil J to color.  I felt like we got off to a really rough start though with this classroom.  This was the first time the workers were not instantly in love with my son.  They seemed inconvenienced by him.  They seemed bothered by his food allergies (the other rooms had not been feeding the kids so it wasn't an issue).  They rarely changed his diaper & I often got him back soaked.  And they would tell me he couldn't color because while the other kids colored Lil J would be trying to eat the crayon.  :(   For quite some time, or at least it felt that way, maybe a month, maybe more, I really can't recall, they just seemed bothered by him, inconvenienced.  It made me a bit sad.  This was also the nursery that he was scratched up in by the kid who always has long finger nails.  But as time went on he learned to color, they started getting foods that he was able to eat & wasn't allergic to, they made a stipulation that the kid with long fingernails had to have a parent present & they also put him in another classroom, away from Lil J.  When I started potty training him it seemed that once again he was the problem child for them.  Although looking back there was actually only one worker that complained about him in regards to potty training.  But little by little, as time passed, they did fall in love with Lil J, perhaps with the exception of the lady who often complained in regards to the potty training.  By the time we were notified that he was moving up again I felt sad.  He really liked these workers, he knew them & had bonded with them in a way.  One week they were running late & we were waiting a long time to be able to drop him off.  The lady running the room next to us offered to take him & transfer him over when they arrived.  We were fine with that, but Lil J was having a full melt down.  I don't believe he's ever had any sort of interaction with this woman, it was simply the fact that he didn't know her.  And just seconds later one of the workers arrived & Lil J quickly regained his composure & was excited to go with her. 

So last week hubby & I thanked them so much & told them how sad we were that he wouldn't be with them anymore.  There is a husband & wife that work in there together & they then let us know that they were moving to his new room, but for the second service (we occasionally go to second service, but most of the time to third service).  So we decided to go to second service so Lil J would be able to be with them.  Also, last week we went to look at the new room.  It is full of desks, with just a couple of toys.  When we dropped him off yesterday they asked for his Bible (which he always brings, but we were glad that they were going to use it) & they also had a scripture written on a dry erase board & said they work on scripture memorization, which I was really happy about. 

I know there are people who feel very strongly opposed to "kids church", they feel that it's a waste of time, all play & no serious learning, & they take their kids to the main sanctuary with them for that reason.  I've heard lots of people complain that their kids never learned enough in "kids church".  But it is my belief that the primary learning should not be taking place at church.  It should be taking place at home.  A couple of hours in "kids church" each Sunday should not be all the Bible the child is ever exposed to.  It should simply reinforce what is being learned at home on a daily basis.  I also feel strongly against making a small child sit through the sermon meant for adults because of my own personal experience.  As a kid I always wanted to go to church, but was never allowed to, with the exception of each year on Easter.  And on that day, each year, I had to go to both Sunday School (ie "kids church") & also the main sanctuary.  And the time in the main sanctuary was unbelievably boring to me & I don't feel I got anything out of it at all.  And in Sunday School I do feel that I learned about the Bible, as much as I can in one day each year that is. 

And so while I haven't started scripture memorization as of yet with Lil J, I am excited that they are doing that in his Sunday School class.  And we do read a lot of Bible at home together each day.  And we do a Bible study every day at home, we've been doing that since he was a little baby.  And he does watch some Christian kid shows on TV, although I do limit his TV time, so he doesn't watch a whole lot of it. 

And up until now I felt that the birthday range system was confusing & a bit irritating, but I now suddenly realize the benefit of it.  In other churches the children are moved up by milestone (ie walking) or age, & they move all alone to a new class.  But with this system it's a big group of kids moving at the same time, so even though they are moved to a new class there are still familiar faces for them.  And I think it's pretty neat that, given we stay at that church long term & that other families do also, these kids can grow up together & always be in the same class together. 

So all in all I'm excited to see him excel & grow in his new class.  I noticed that they have 3 classrooms for 3 year olds.  And each one has a 4 month birthday range.  That's a lot of 3 year olds!  I don't know if it's that crowded for the other ages of kids, or if it's just the 3 year olds, but it sure seems like a lot of them to me!  I will have to remember to look at the other aged rooms & see how many of each there are.

Life is so fleeting

As a nurse I faced life & death all the time.  I know that I am a bit desensitized to those sort of issues in comparison with most people, simply because of my job experiences. 

But even though it's business as usual as a nurse, when it's someone I know & love it's a very different situation.

Last Friday I got a text message from my niece, asking me to pray for her dad, my brother in law.  She said she thought he was having a heart attack, but that it was serious.  Piecing the whole situation took some time, but my hubby & I & many others were on our knees praying for him.

My brother in law was only 52.  His wife & daughters were his world.  He was a hard worker & his ultimate goal was always to please them & others that he loved.  He was so very generous & loving.  He was always willing to help out anyone he could.  I have so many memories flooding into my mind of him over the past 10 years.

My husband has shared many things with me from the days before I was part of this family.  And my hubby's sister & my brother in law have always been held in high regard from my perspective.  They lost a son at the age of 18 months in the past.  That is such a hard, hard thing to do.  I honestly can't even imagine.  And statistics show that among couples who have lost a child, the divorce rate is sky high.  For them to have survived that & stayed together all these years is really, really admirable to me.

Earlier this month they celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.  Their daughters planned a surprise party for them.  It was so wonderful.  I was sooooo excited about the party & for them.  What a HUGE milestone to be able to celebrate.  Their daughters had a photo of the 2 of them & we were all signing it, sort of like at a wedding.  I don't remember exactly what I wrote, but I know I ended it with "here's to the next 25 years" & I truly meant it & expected to have another party at that time.

And then here I am on my knees praying my heart out for him, in tears.  I learn that he has an aortic aneurysm.  I learn that he is on life support.  I learn that he is being helicoptered to a different hospital for emergency surgery to repair his aorta.

I stayed at home with my toddler son.  The hospital wouldn't let me in with him & my hubby didn't want him at the hospital around the germs.  So only one of us could go (so the other could stay with Lil J) & since it was hubby's sister I let him go.  Even though it's hard for me to not be there, especially since I'm a nurse.  I like to be my friend & family's advocate during medical issues. 

And he makes it to the other hospital......but there the doctor decides he doesn't need the surgery.  I still don't understand why.  And my hubby tells me that just minutes after he arrives (my hubby arriving there, my brother in law had, at this point, been there for over an hour I believe & "should" have already been in surgery) his heart rhythm changes & they have to code him.  They code him for an hour before they give up & let him go.

We are all still in shock.  I went to see my sister in law & nieces the following day.  As we pieced together info it went something like this: He had worked a lot of hours, more than one long shift back to back, too much overtime actually, definitely beyond the legal limits.  His sister was coming to visit from out of state soon & he said he wanted extra money, so he could show his sister a really good time.  He had gone to a boot store (I still don't know if he went there from work or from home, based on the time of it I would assume he went straight from work) & someone working in the store says he was very confused, he kept saying "she's coming, she's coming" over & over.  He said he was thirsty & the guy gave him something to drink & asked him if he was ok.  He said he just needed to eat & asked if he could use the restroom.  He was in there for a very long time.  The guy went to check on him & he was still saying "she's coming, she's coming" over & over.  He called 911.  From there he went to hospital #1.  This was around 7:30 or 8:30 am I believe.  No family was notified he was there until around 12:30  or 1:00pm.  And at that point he was already on life support & unconscious.  We have no idea what transpired during that whole morning.  Someone did tell my other brother in law (hubby's brother) that they had coded him a couple of times there, & I'm assuming it was at one of those times that he ended up on the life support. 

I am told that his blood pressure was extremely low & he had stopped breathing.  So he was on medication to keep the blood pressure up & he was on a ventilator to keep him breathing.  They said that his aorta was very enlarged.  Someone said that they were told the CT scan showed a tear in the aorta & someone else said that they were told there was no way to confirm a tear on the CT scan. 

Based on his low blood pressure I would assume there was a tear.  And I am told that the left side of his face was getting more & more swollen as time went on, which would also indicate a tear, that he was bleeding internally. 

He was helicoptered to hospital #2 specifically for emergency heart surgery, to repair the aorta.  He was sent, he arrived, & then they decided he didn't need the surgery.  That is the one question I still have, the one issue I am having a hard time letting go of & making peace with.  There is no other option with an aortic aneurysm, aside from surgery.  I just don't get it. 

I know that only God can take us & that He can only take us when it's His will & His timing.  I know that His timing is not our timing.  I know that no human error can take someone before it is God's time.  I am clinging to this just as I did when my stepfather passed away.  But it's so hard when he is so young.  It just doesn't seem right.  Sometimes it is so hard to understand God, but I know that His ways & His plans are perfect & that He sees a much bigger picture than the rest of us do.  And I know that my brother in law is now in a better place.  His father died many years ago, his son died as a toddler, & his mother just passed away a couple of months ago.  He can be reunited with them in heaven.  And that is what I cling to as I grieve & as my heart aches for my sister in law & nieces.  As bad as this hurts for me I know it hurts for them a million times more.  And I love them so much that it kills me to see them go through this.

I really hate the whole grieving process.  I hate hurting & crying & how long it takes to go through.  I wrote this hoping it would be therapeutic for me & help me get through this.