Thursday, December 13, 2012

Turning the Table

So this morning I woke up feeling quite good.  I'm referring mostly to my frame of mind.  I feel like the Lord has given me a fighting spirit once again.  I have to admit I was feeling like my bladder issues were controlling my life.  And I was feeling mighty weary & tired & like giving up.  All I could see was the negative of it all.  Even in the fight I was focusing on the negatives, what I had to give up, what I could no longer do, etc.

But this morning I suddenly see that I have a choice.  I can allow my bladder to control my life or I can make an effort to control it instead.  I have turned the table & am ready for a good fight. 

I got myself some pH strips & am going to dip my urine each morning & aim to keep it slightly alkaline.  (For those who don't understand this, there are wounds in my bladder-assuming I do have interstitial cystitis-& acidic urine is the equivalent of pouring acid over an open wound--very painful indeed.)

I am once again keeping a food/voiding journal.  On the days I do have pain I can look back & see what I have eaten & drank & try to determine what I need to eliminate.  (I did this once in the past, when I was first diagnosed, about 2 years ago or so) 

I still also have to focus on healing my gut as well as my bladder.  A friend of mine has introduced me to the art of fermenting foods naturally with good probiotic bacteria.  I've been working on that & had my first serving last night (& again this morning).  They taste very acidic & I was worried they might hurt my bladder, but my friend says they are actually alkalinizing & I have no pain as of yet.  I am also really excited about giving these to my son since he has leaky gut & candida issues as well.  I also started taking l-glutamine.  It's an amino acid that is used to heal leaky guts. 

I'm still remaining gluten free.  I made myself a loaf of gluten free bread the other day.  I can actually live without bread  per se, but I wanted to start somewhere.  I will continue to explore from there.  But my hubby tasted it & even said it wasn't bad.  It does have a slightly different texture to it, but it really wasn't "bad".  Hopefully I can continue to do well in this regard.

As I sat & pondered this situation this morning I was reminded of a few years ago when a family member was very ill.  This is a person who refuses modern medicine & medications at all cost.  And yet he was in the hospital (for over a month I might add) & he was laying in the bed & actually requesting more morphine on a regular basis.  We were all terrified, thinking we were going to lose him forever.  But then suddenly he woke up it seemed & was ready to fight.  I don't know what happened to make the tables turn like that for him.  (I can't actually say that I know what did it for me this morning either) but we were so grateful to see it happen.  He made a choice to fight & control the situation instead of allowing the situation to control him.

This also makes me think of a book I read in the past about cancer treatment.  It was a whole bunch of alternative medicine doctors being interviewed for their thoughts on how to best treat cancer.  There was one doctor who insisted "you choose whatever you believe will cure you".  He believes that the biggest factor in the outcome is in your mind.  If you believe you will be healed then you will be & if you believe you're gonna die then you will.  I find that very fascinating & I think it's possibly true.  Although there might possibly be some cases that are just too far advanced for hope.  Or is there?  Is that only because the person believes it too far advanced?  I think often on this topic, it's very interesting to me.

Ok, I'm done rambling for now & I'm praying I continue in this frame of mind.  I'm hoping it's connected to the fermented foods I consumed last night.  :)

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