Friday, November 19, 2010

More Ramblings on Weight, Dieting, Body Image, etc

This is a topic I ramble on about quite often.  I am always interested to learn something new on this topic.

I analyze EVERYTHING, that is just my nature.  Especially myself.

I do not have an eating disorder & I never have had an eating disorder.  I have never starved myself & have never made myself throw up.  Yet I still struggle with my body image tremendously.  And when I hear someone that does have an eating disorder tell their story I can totally understand what they're talking about.

I struggle really hard to remind myself that weight is only a number & that physical looks aren't everything.  But it's a constant struggle to stay in that mindset for me.

I recently stumbled across a website that listed celebrity heights & weights.  It was truly totally accidental that I stumbled upon such a thing.  I was googling something else entirely (I've always said that I am the world's worst googler!  I am totally google-challenged for some reason)  Of course once I found it I had to look though.  Of course I didn't know hardly anyone on the list.  But of course I searched out everyone that was my height & looked to see how much they weigh. 

I was in awe of how little they all weighed!!  The only one that weighed more than me was Jennifer Lopez.  And I was comforted by that cuz she is also built like me, carrying weight in her butt & thighs.  And yet I still think she looks good.  The rest of them were all more than 10 lbs less than me.  The lowest was 50 lbs less than me!! 

Now in late '07 & early '08 I was on the South Beach Diet & at the end of it I weighed about 12-14 lbs less than I do now.  But I was VERY thin, I was wearing a size 4, sometimes even a size 2.  Why do I feel like I should have zero fat on my body to be normal weight?  I am sure it has to come from seeing models & actresses that look like that.  But you have to wonder what it takes for models & actresses to look that way?  Just because they look that way doesn't make them normal or healthy.

The South Beach Diet was the first diet (& still the only diet) I had done.  At this point I don't want to do another diet, ever again. 

For some time after I had done the diet & lost the weight I found myself thinking that that must be what I'm supposed to weigh.  And since it was do-able that's why I thought that.  But now I find myself questioning if the reason it was sooo hard to lose that weight was because I didn't need to lose it in the first place.  And just because it was do-able doesn't mean that it should be done.  Anorexic people starve themselves down to skeletons & yeah it's do-able, but that doesn't make it right.

I feel like in following the South Beach Diet I focused too much on the rules of the diet & my self control.  And that's what I see celebrities do, the ones who have enough self control are the successful ones that make it in the business.  Again, just because they are doing it doesn't make it right & doesn't mean that it should be done in the first place.

I know people who have gone from one diet to the next their whole life.  After having done just one diet for less a year I have to wonder about doing it for so long.  I feel like I lost common sense, just basic eating sense.  Like I just wanted rules to follow.  I didn't want to think anymore, just to follow rules.  None of that seems normal or good to me. 

I am now just focusing on eating healthy & stopping when I am full.  I am not following any rules, just using common sense.  And even though I weigh more than I'd like & I wear a larger size than I'd like I have to admit when I look in the mirror & try really hard to be objective I honestly think I look really good.   

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